Why I Started This Site About Support For Women Going Through A Divorce
Sunday, March 29, 2009 at 10:38AMSome of you are no doubt asking why I started this site. It was almost an accident. A client, whose family I had helped on several matters, put me in contact with Kim (more on her in a later post) who runs a support group for women going through divorce. She runs the meetings on the first Tuesday of every month at the Huntington Library on Main Street, in Huntington Village, in Suffolk. I decided to go and see what it was about.
I was astounded to hear the stories of women who are at the end of their rope. More surprising was the stories of lawyers who did nothing and billed for it. I told another friend about the meeting. She then launched into her tale of a 3 year divorce, which is still not over, and the over $60,000 she spent. In our discussion, I was surprised by what her attorney didn't tell her. She didn't even know the basics of child support, pension or property division. Her attorney even sent out settlement proposals without even discussing them first.
Around this time, I joined Facebook and got into contact with a High School friend. She told me about a 10 year divorce, where she spent over $120,000. Although her husband made over $250,000 a year, her attorney never got the man's tax returns, and allowed him to claim an income of only $130,000 for child support. Further, she didn't get her marital share of his pension. She then told me that when she went to my divorce information website, www.NYDivorcefacts.com and read about her rights, she got sick to her stomach.
I admit, I didn't realize the extent or depth of the problem. My assistant, Valerie Calderon, suggested that we start a website/forum to address the issues that we've been seeing. That's why I started this site. While my information website does just that, provide information, we realized that there needed to be a website to provide women with not only information, but advice and support. With Valerie's assistance, we set up this website.
So, why me?
My father had been an old time family lawyer. If you look at the movies from the 30's and 40's, you'll see the kindly old family lawyer, who took the time to protect his clients, and dispense with old fashioned good advise. He and the family doctor were familiar figures in American life. My father's example inspired me. I try to live up to his ideals and example.
In the 19th and early 20th century, the neighbors would gather around the general store. Conversation would be had, advice dispensed, and community support would be extended. While there's no general store for me around to dispense advice, there is the internet. So, join me in the modern equivalent of the town's general store, as we gather round the old stove, share our problems and give each other support.
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Reader Comments (8)
Gary, I just met you tonite @ Hunt Library (5/5). Once this site hits the airwaves, I hope you are prepared for what happens. My situation is such a mess and I'm trying to layout a logical timeline. So many things overlap, its hard to tell my story.
But I will visit again. This is such a great idea.
I thank KIM practically every day. She has been a Godsend and my pillar of strength. I know I'm in a much better place because of her. I'll be in touch. Good Luck.
Ro, it was my meeting with Kim and the folks like you that inspired me to start this website. Once we get the podcasts up and running, we do anticipate a lot of interest. And that is a good thing. The more information that is out there about divorce and how lawyers should treat their clients, the better for people going through a divorce. It's the lack of information which hurts people. How many times how you heard at the meetings, "If only I knew then what I know now?"
I came across your site looking for advice/help when dealing with lousy Lawyers which seemed to be the very day you started it. It is a great idea of course but the question is, How can help be offered to abused clients besides advice.Oh, there's lots of advice and opinions, most are that I'm being taken for a ride. I've been trying to get a so called "easy - uncomplicated" divorce for over 3 years. Will have a malpractice against my 1 st Lawyer which I'm dreading. I just want to be away from Lawyers and the Courts already, they made me broke. The second Lawyer now is harassing me for $$ too although he KNEW I was broke from the 1st, out over $30,000.00 not counting so much loss of work. I have NO faith and now no respect for Lawyers now. And, my case is so weird, I've paid for several counsel sessions and every Attorney said something is fishy over my case. I was even divorced by the Judge and didn't know it, I never signed ANY stipulations, then the divorce was vacated opposed to it going to the Appelate division......so I'm remarried again, what a circus...wonder if ANY of them know what they're doing!!...I feel like I'm only on this Earth to be a meal ticket for a greedy Lawyer, get rid of that one and there's another waiting in line. Such a disgrace to the community! As the saying goes: 99% of Lawyers make the rest look bad!
Unfortunately, there are attorneys who look at clients as meal tickets. There are also guys and gals out there who are honest and ethical. If your attorneys broke the law or were unethical, then there is recourse. In the 2nd Department (where I practice) which comprises Long Island, The four boroughs (excepting Manhattan) Westchester and Orange, attorney disciplinary matters are dealt with very severely. Attorneys in the Second Department regularly get suspended and disbarred. Perhaps you should make a grievance against the lawyers.
Thank you Gary.
I'm so weary, I have the help of friends to keep me focused and work on this. On Monday, Memorial Day, my new Lawyer called saying he needed an updated Networth statement, (which I sent mid-May) asap, he needed in that night to be sent into Court on Tues for our appearance on Wed. I had a BBQ party I was hosting but tried my best to do what he needed....phone calls all day from him, he was under pressure to have the info and put the pressure on me, it escalated into a huge fight..my friends had to get on the phone and it got worse. He cursed them, threatened not to work on my case if he didn't get money......it was horrible, I sobbed not only from the pressure but the predicament of getting a new Lawyer to fix the wrongs of the first. I'm in a nightmare! I won't go see him alone anymore, I have friends come with me. If I heard this story from someone else, I'd think they were embellishing it a bit, but I'm living it and I'm sure I can't be the only one out there!!
I came upon this site looking for information after getting the run around by my attorney. I felt like all he did was rack up billable hours to benefit his pocket. He accomplished absolutely nothing and handed me a bill for over $15,000. I had to settle because I was about to be in more debt than I could possible get out of. The only one who benefitted was my attorney. But I am not sitting back doing nothing. I am filing a greivance with the Bar Association. I am tremendously leary of that organization due to the fact that they too are attorneys but since I've been wiped out financially it is the only recourse I have. Will they police their own, I don't know but I will find out.
Good luck to you. Lawyers need to bill responsibly and to respect the clients. Billing could be legitimate, but if the client doesn't understand what work is being done, then any bill looks phony. On the other hand, the bill could well be phony. I recently reviewed a bill for$34,000 where nothing was done but wheels spun. I solved the problem for less than $3,000. The bar generally will not get involved in billing disputes, unless it is clear that far from a difference of opinion it is out right theft. I do know a couple of lawyers who did get disbarred for their billing practices. Unfortunately, it doesn't happen often enough to act as a deterrent.